The things we do to get a man to commit are often the things that keep a man from making a commitment. You can’t rush a man into falling in love or making a commitment, but you can avoid the pitfalls that will send a man heading towards the exit door.
Women often think that the sweet thoughtful things she does to make her man’s life a bit nicer or easier are going to make him commit. She can exhaust herself trying to make herself indespensible in his life. We think “look at all I do for him. He’d be lost without me!” It isn’t what a woman does that makes a man commit! It is how a woman makes a man feel.
So often we get asked how to get a man to commit. You know that he really cares about you, but he isn’t willing to take the relationship to the next level. For a man, making the conscious decision to make a commitment to a woman has nothing to do with:
How long you’ve been together.
What his friends and family believe he should do.
How much time and energy a woman has put into developing the relationship
There is one reason, and one reason only, that a man will desire a commitment with a woman. It is because of how she makes him FEEL. It is like the old age question: are you better off with her or without her. If a man feels that his life and future will be better and more fulfilling with you in his life, he will be willing to commit.
There are things that women do to make a man doubt the relationship and if he has doubts he isn’t going to commit. Often these doubts make him leave the relationship when a woman begins to turn up the pressure to get him to “take the next step.”
1 Being fearful or needy. This can show up in a whole lot of ways. You might want him to make you happy. No man wants to be your sole source of happiness. This is a big burden to put on anyone. Most healthy men will not stay long term in a relationship that requires this level of attention. If you are fearful or needy, you probably don’t know how to change this without years of therapy. Here is some GREAT news. At the Soul Mate Quest Weekend, we help you understand how you can shift from being fearful and needy into a more confident person. By making this shift, you will become a much more desirable life partner.
2 Are you are jealous even if he has not given you a reason to be jealous? If you are afraid that he is going to find someone better than you and leave, you are projecting your own insecurities and neediness into the relationship and onto your man. Often if someone is jealous, they try to control the other person’s behavior to calm their own fears. You might get upset with him for talking to one of his female friends. You might accuse him of flirting with the waitress. You might check his cell phone log to make sure he isn’t talking to any other woman. This kind of behavior will have most men heading for the hills because no level of reassurance will keep you from freaking out. Your behavior will keep him from opening up to you because he will be afraid of setting you off. He won’t tell you if he ran into an old high school girlfriend or that he has a new administrative assistant. He is afraid you are going to freak out and grill him while you seek reassurance. If a man feels like he has to walk on eggshells with you, he isn’t going to stick around very long.
3 If you get upset about little things, a man will ask himself: “What will she do if something really big happens in the future?” If you are negative or emotional about the small things, how will you handle the bigger problems and challenges that life might throw at you? If you can’t handle the dishwasher breaking without yelling or crying, how will you handle a real crisis?
4 Some women like a lot of drama in their life. Often, a woman will share the drama of her day with her man and hope that it will make them closer as he offers his support. Men are willing to be supportive to a degree. If your life is one big soap opera, most men will not stick around. It is just too draining. If your life is filled with drama and you do not show that you are a confident woman who is able to handle your life and relationships, you will leave your man doubting whether he should commit. Do you hide the drama of your life? NO! You learn to manage the drama by becoming a more capable and confident person.
5 One of the biggest mistakes woman make in relationships is trying to get her man to change. If a woman expresses dissatisfied with her man and wants to change him, most men won’t commit. Men desire acceptance and admiration from their life partner. If you are trying to change him, then you don’t accept him. This certainly won’t make him feel admired.
If you have gotten into the habit of doing any of these 5 things, you can learn to break these habits. We focus on these things in the Soul Mate Quest Weekend. Learn the 10 Keys to getting into a healthy, passionate relationship and you will eliminate these 5 road blocks to getting a man to commit.
Jeannine and Keith Kaiser