Yesterday, we were sitting in a restaurant having lunch with our 16 year old daughter. During lunch, she kept receiving text messages on her phone. We politely asked her to put away her phone until after lunch. She responded by saying to look around, everyone does texts while in a restaurant. Indeed, almost everyone in the restaurant was holding a phone and texting. No one was talking to each other, but instead they were texting, checking emails, surfing the web on some handheld device. This is one way of unplugging and not being present. Who might you miss?

Technology is great, but it won’t keep you warm at night, comfort you when you’ve had a bad day, or grow old with you…it will be outdated long before you grow old. And let’s face it–spooning with your Blackberry is unfulfilling and plain weird. But it might be keeping you from meeting someone who CAN do all these things.

When you go to the grocery store, are you on a mission to get your groceries? What is the hurry? When I go to the store, I take my time. Often, I find myself in the same isle again and again with the same person. Bet that has happened to you, too. Instead of ignoring it, I acknowledge it by saying, “Seems like we are going to continue to run into each other during this shopping trip. I’m Jeannine.” They introduce themselves and we get a good chuckle out of it. Then on a subsequent shopping trip, I often run into the same people. I’ve probably seen them hundreds of times before, but now I am aware.

What if you keep asking to meet that special someone and the Universe, God or whatever higher power you believe in, keeps send the person into your life and you are just missing them. Maybe it is because you are running through life at warp speed. Maybe you are unplugged. Maybe it is because you aren’t willing to take a risk of striking up a conversation for fear of being rejected or dismissed. (Seldom will you get rejected or dismissed. Try it.)

Three of my very good friends I met by being plugged in. I met them all at different places: the doctor’s office, manicurist and deli. I struck up a conversation and then low and behold, I ran into all three of these women again and again until we decided to get together and have lunch or coffee. This is also how I met my husband Keith. We struck up a conversation in the break room on the USF campus. We kept running into each other until we decided to have a glass of wine together. The rest is history.

I’m all for technology. But when you are in the real world, get off your Blue Tooth, stop checking your emails, and pay attention. The love of your life might walk into your life again and again…if you aware, you’ll notice and do something about it.

Make a commitment to plug back into the world for a month and see what happens. This doesn’t mean putting your little toe into the process. It means that you need to COMMIT. Check your personal emails and voice once a day instead of 10 times. Pick up the phone and call someone verses sending them an email. Talk to people you never met before. Strike up a conversation with someone at the grocery store, in the bank, while pumping gas, in the deli line. See how many of these people cross your path again.

Join other people are getting plugged back into the world and also want to meet that special someone. Go to our Meetup Group and join. It is FREE.
http://www.meetup.com/Find-Love-the-Easier-and-Smarter-Way/
See some of the fun things we are doing to help singles find the love they desire.

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser
America’s Dating and Relationship Coaches
www.yourdatingiq.com

What if one thing could help you raise your game and become more attractive to the opposite sex.  Would you be interesed in learning what it is?  If we could also tell you how you can get this one thing into your life, would you want to know?  If so, then continue to read.

This week we got a call from one of our former clients telling us that she is in love with a wonderful man.  When we first met this woman, she felt that she would never meet the right person.  Her heart was broken in many pieces from a long relationship that ended abruptly.  Once she learned the skills we teach in our Soul Mate Quest Program, she quickly met the man of her dreams.  You can too.

You might have had a similar experience.  Your heart got broken and now you have to face the dating world and figure out how to navigate the uncharted waters to find love again. 

What if we told you that your attitude about dating is the key to finding the right person?  You probably already knew that, but what you don’t know is how to change your attitude to being more positive, open and confident. 

It is more than just being more positive.  Think about a time in your life when you were faced with something that seemed ominous and out of your reach.  You had to dig deep inside yourself to muster up the confidence or energy to push through it.  Once you switched your attitude and focus, things started happening and you were able to achieve what might have seem impossible.

I am going to guess that the greatest shift allowing you to accomplish this was the shear belief in yourself.  You know what I am talking about.  It was that shift that gave you the energy and empowerment to forge forward.  When you have this energy surge occur, you exude a confidence that people feel. 

That confidence can be found within you at any time.  You can access it easily once you get out of your own way.  Confidence attracts the opposite sex like a magnet.  Both men and women become sexier when they are confident.  I am not talking arrogant.  I am talking self-assured “I know where I am going in life” or “I like who I am” confidence.  This confidence will help you in all aspects of your life.

If you are struggling with your inner confidence, we highly recommend attending the Soul Mate Quest Seminar.  People who have attended our seminar and applied the skills are seeing major changes in their life.  We can actually see a shift in their physical appearance as they radiate this new found energy from within.  And many of these people have already found new love.

The most important thing is that you must get out of your own way.  We are usually our own worst enemy when it comes to matters of the heart.  We know you would get out of our own way if you just knew how.  You don’t have to figure it out on your own.  That is why we are here. 

If you have not attended the Soul Mate Quest Weekend, we want to ask, why not?  We guarantee that you will get tremendous value for your time and $79.  If you feel you don’t, we will refund your money, no questions asked.  We have never had anyone take us up on our guarantee.  That says something!

Our next seminar is being held on October 10-11 in Pleasanton.  To register, go to our website and enter the discount code SQW79 at the bottom of the page.  There is limited space, so register today.  You can attend with a friend if you choose, but you will make many friends at this event.  They are like-minded singles looking for love, just like you.

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

Do you want the answer to the century old question: Why don’t men ask for directions?  The answer to this question directly corresponds to why a man doesn’t seek help in finding love and making love work! 

Men seem to feel that they have an innate GPS system that is expected of them.  If they have to ask for directions, it shows that they are inept at getting to their destination without help.  The older men get and the more experience they have with asking for directions (usually because of the insistence of a woman), the more they realize that they often can get to their destination more quickly with some assistance.

The more evolved man is willing to ask for help. These men are more comfortable in their own skin and therefore willing and ready to ask for help especially when it comes to finding a love relationship. 

You’ve got to admit that things have really changed in the area of dating and relationships.  Our forefathers (and foremothers) would be scratching their heads if they were trying to find love in today’s society.  It is like someone took everything that had been true for centuries and centuries and changed the rules of love.  They didn’t bother tell us the new rules. Maybe they thought it would be amusing to watch us try to figure it all out.   Not FUNNY!

More and more women are saying, “I can’t figure it out on my own.”  Will someone help me?  There are so many books being written on the subject of dating and relationships.  But most of these books are written for women.  Why? Simply put, it is because the authors need to sell their books. 

Men tend to want simple answers. They want the bottom line.  They want to know the answers to the following questions: 

• Tell me how to attract a woman. 
• Tell me what to say to the woman so that she is attracted to me. 
• Tell me how to know if she is interested.

Once he gets past these few problems and she’s attracted to him, he feels he is on the home stretch.  Things should just happen naturally from this point.  Wrong!  Today’s woman wants more from her man than their foremothers.  They want a deeper connection.  But men want something more too.  

Men and women want to the same basic thing.  They want to be desired.  They want love and passion that is sustainable.  They want a healthy relationship where they feel honored, appreciated and even admired.  Is that possible?  We believe it is!  In order to get what you want, you will need to learn some new skills.   You are going to have to forget a lot of what you “think you know.” 

So if you are man who has not asked for directions to find the love you want, we hope you will consider doing so.  You will get to where you want to go a lot faster and without as much pain. 

Did you know that nearly 40% of our attendees at the Soul Mate Quest Seminar are men?  Yep!  They are the more evolved men who are willing to ask for directions.  We have been increasing our male attendance each time we do one of our seminars, mostly because the men who have attended are referring their friends. We think that says something about what we are offering.  It is meeting the needs of our male attendees.  So are you willing to ask for directions?

We hope to see you there.

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

We have some good news for you! Soul Mate Relationships are created, not found. You can have an amazing relationship with hundreds if not thousands of potential matches. You just need to have the skills. That is what this weekend is about!

Are you tired of bad or mediocre relationships?

Are you tired of having no relationship at all?

Are you willing make a few changes to your life to find amazing, passionate love?

If you said yes to any of these questions, then you don’t want to miss this seminar! Thousands of singles have attended this seminar and they have raved about it! Jeannine and Keith Kaiser are well-informed and dynamic speakers who make learning interactive workshop FUN. This is the last time this seminar will be offered in 2009 and the last time you can receive it for just $79.

You probably have put a lot of time, effort and energy into finding love, but have not been successful. You might have also contemplated quitting. That is because you have never been given the skills to steer and navigate through the dating world successfully. The dating world has changed drastically in the past 25 years. If you are still trying to find love the same way as you did before, you will struggle and probably fail.
Finding true love isn’t luck. Once you learn to navigate the course, you can learn to magnetize the right partner into your life. Jeannine and Keith Kaiser, two of the nations top dating and relationship experts will direct and guild you through the process of finding wonderful, passionate, sustainable love. You will have so much fun learning in this experiential workshop. The Kaiser’s reveal:
• The 10 Steps to Finding True Love
• Show you and examine the 5 Love Myths that keep love from finding you
• The 10 Toxic Relationship Patterns that kill love

This interactive workshop will open your mind and guide you into the world of dating with a map, compass and GPS support from the seminar leaders.

Oct 10-11
9AM-5:00PM
Pleasanton, CA

Are you willing to invest two days of your life for a lifetime of amazing love? If you said yes, we highly recommend this program. The cost of the two-day workshop is just $79. This is a significant discount given to our group. So with an investment of two-days of your life and $79, you can join the thousands of other people who have found love using the Soul Mate Quest System.

Women often think that the sweet thoughtful things she does to make her man’s life a bit nicer or easier are going to make him commit.  She can exhaust herself trying to make herself indespensible in his life.  We think “look at all I do for him.  He’d be lost without me!”  It isn’t what a woman does that makes a man commit!  It is how a woman makes a man feel.

So often we get asked how to get a man to commit.  You know that he really cares about you, but he isn’t willing to take the relationship to the next level.  For a man, making the conscious decision to make a commitment to a woman has nothing to do with:

How long you’ve been together.
What his friends and family believe he should do.
How much time and energy a woman has put into developing the relationship

There is one reason, and one reason only, that a man will desire a commitment with a woman.  It is because of how she makes him FEEL. It is like the old age question: are you better off with her or without her.  If a man feels that his life and future will be better and more fulfilling with you in his life, he will be willing to commit.

There are things that women do to make a man doubt the relationship and if he has doubts he isn’t going to commit.  Often these doubts make him leave the relationship when a woman begins to turn up the pressure to get him to “take the next step.”

1        Being fearful or needy. This can show up in a whole lot of ways.  You might want him to make you happy.  No man wants to be your sole source of happiness. This is a big burden to put on anyone.  Most healthy men will not stay long term in a relationship that requires this level of attention.  If you are fearful or needy, you probably don’t know how to change this without years of therapy.  Here is some GREAT news.  At the Soul Mate Quest Weekend, we help you understand how you can shift from being fearful and needy into a more confident person.  By making this shift, you will become a much more desirable life partner. 

2        Are you are jealous even if he has not given you a reason to be jealous?  If you are afraid that he is going to find someone better than you and leave, you are projecting your own insecurities and neediness into the relationship and onto your man.  Often if someone is jealous, they try to control the other person’s behavior to calm their own fears.  You might get upset with him for talking to one of his female friends.  You might accuse him of flirting with the waitress.  You might check his cell phone log to make sure he isn’t talking to any other woman. This kind of behavior will have most men heading for the hills because no level of reassurance will keep you from freaking out.  Your behavior will keep him from opening up to you because he will be afraid of setting you off.  He won’t tell you if he ran into an old high school girlfriend or that he has a new administrative assistant.  He is afraid you are going to freak out and grill him while you seek reassurance.  If a man feels like he has to walk on eggshells with you, he isn’t going to stick around very long.

3        If you get upset about little things, a man will ask himself: “What will she do if something really big happens in the future?”  If you are negative or emotional about the small things, how will you handle the bigger problems and challenges that life might throw at you?  If you can’t handle the dishwasher breaking without yelling or crying, how will you handle a real crisis? 

4        Some women like a lot of drama in their life.  Often, a woman will share the drama of her day with her man and hope that it will make them closer as he offers his support.  Men are willing to be supportive to a degree.  If your life is one big soap opera, most men will not stick around.  It is just too draining.  If your life is filled with drama and you do not show that you are a confident woman who is able to handle your life and relationships, you will leave your man doubting whether he should commit.  Do you hide the drama of your life?  NO!  You learn to manage the drama by becoming a more capable and confident person. 

5        One of the biggest mistakes woman make in relationships is trying to get her man to change.  If a woman expresses dissatisfied with her man and wants to change him, most men won’t commit.  Men desire acceptance and admiration from their life partner.  If you are trying to change him, then you don’t accept him.  This certainly won’t make him feel admired.

If you have gotten into the habit of doing any of these 5 things, you can learn to break these habits.  We focus on these things in the Soul Mate Quest Weekend.  Learn the 10 Keys to getting into a healthy, passionate relationship and you will eliminate these 5 road blocks to getting a man to commit. 

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

www.yourdatingiq.com

I met a man who is 14 years younger than me and we have begun dating.  He is a wonderful man, but I can’t help but be concerned about the prospects of a long term relationship.  There have been a few times that people have thought we were mother and son and that really bothers me.  He makes me feel more alive and vibrant as a woman, but I know socially that we are being silently scrutinized when we are in public.  I also worry that he is interested in me because I am successful.  He does not have an established career and has struggled in finding his success in earning money.  I don’t want someone to tie their success to my success.  Also, we have a lot in common, but his group of friends and my group of friends don’t really mix.  He is more mature than his friends.  My friends like him, but think his friends lack class and are too much into partying.  

I would really like your opinion of whether you think this relationship will work.

Kelly

Marin, CA

Kelly:  You are describing the challenges with dating a younger man.  It would be the same if you were a man dating a younger woman.  

The ideal difference in age is between 4 and 5 years.  This has been proven to be the most successful in finding the right love connection.  We call this the “rule.”  However, there are exceptions to every rule.  Because you didn’t give me your age, I want to walk you though this.  If you are forty and he is twenty-six, he hasn’t even come to age as a man.  He is barely discovering himself let alone the right career.  If you are fifty and he is thirty-six, I have some serious concerns about his abilities to support himself.  This might mean that he is attaching himself to a woman (that would be you) to avoid having to grow up and become a success in the business world.  

If you are forty and he is twenty-six, does he want to have children?  If so, do you?  This can become a big issue as time goes on.  He might not be ready to have children now, but might be in five to ten years.  At that time, you will be forty-five or fifty, unable to have children and less desirable on the open market if he decides to leave and find someone who is more age appropriate for his current desires.  I know that sounds harsh, but is true. 

Think things through.  Is this the best move for you right now?  Is it the best move for your future?  The one thing I noticed is that you never said that you were madly in love with him.  Sometimes these relationships are like chocolate cake.  It taste greats, but there is a price to pay for excessively consuming chocolate cake.  Is it worth the price?

Jeannine Kaiser, CPCC

Dating and Relationship Expert

You might have had a similar experience.  Your heart got broken and now you have to face the dating world and figure out how to navigate the uncharted waters to find love again.  

What if we told you that your attitude about dating is the key to finding the right person?  You probably already knew that, but what you don’t know is how to change your attitude to being more positive, open and confident. 

It is more than just being more positive.  Think about a time in your life when you were faced with something that seemed ominous and out of your reach.  You had to dig deep inside yourself to muster up the confidence or energy to push through it.  Once you switched your attitude and focus, things started happening and you were able to achieve what might have seem impossible.

I am going to guess that the greatest shift allowing you to accomplish this was the shear belief in yourself.  You know what I am talking about.  It was that shift that gave you the energy and empowerment to forge forward.  When you have this energy surge occur, you exude a confidence that people feel.  

That confidence can be found within you at any time.  You can access it easily once you get out of your own way.  Confidence attracts the opposite sex like a magnet.  Both men and women become sexier when they are confident.  I am not talking arrogant.  I am talking self-assured “I know where I am going in life” or “I like who I am” confidence.  This confidence will help you in all aspects of your life.

If you are struggling with your inner confidence, we highly recommend attending the Soul Mate Quest Seminar.  People who have attended our seminar and applied the skills are seeing major changes in their life.  We can actually see a shift in their physical appearance as they radiate this new found energy from within.  And many of these people have already found new love.

The most important thing is that you must get out of your own way.  We are usually our own worst enemy when it comes to matters of the heart.  We know you would get out of our own way if you just knew how.  You don’t have to figure it out on your own.  That is why we are here. 

If you have not attended the Soul Mate Quest Weekend, we want to ask, why not?  We guarantee that you will get tremendous value for your time and $79.  If you feel you don’t, we will refund your money, no questions asked.  We have never had anyone take us up on our guarantee.  That says something!

Our next seminar is being held on July 25-26 in Pleasanton.  To register, go to http://www.yourdatingiq.com/soulMate_weekend.html and enter the discount code SQW79 at the bottom of the page.  There is limited space, so register today.  You can attend with a friend if you choose, but you will make many friends at this event.  They are like-minded singles looking for love, just like you.

What woman wants to know is if the man has feelings for her.  She is usually feeling the beginning of LOVE and is hoping he does too.  She feels vulnerable and before she invests her who heart into the relationship, she needs to know:  Where are we going in this relationship. Translation:  How do you feel about me?

The approach women use often end a relationship that has the potential to move forward.  

Approach #1:

Women use the “Can we talk” approach or worse, “We need to talk.”  Men hate hearing these words worse than having a root canal.  This means that they are going to be put on the spot or that they are in trouble for something.

Approach #2: 

The woman expresses her feeling for the man and asks him how he is feeling about her.  When he takes a lot of time to answer, she feels rejected.  What the woman doesn’t understand is that a man can not access his feelings as easily as a woman.  So the man goes searching for his feelings and it takes a bit of time, and as he emerges from his search, he realizes that when he answers her question, he is making himself vulnerable to being hurt.  Secondly, the man is at a disadvantage because the woman has had time to think about her feelings and how she is going to express how she feels.  Often the man will respond with “I really care about you.”  He is relieved that he has expressed his feelings for her.  

After he has expressed his feelings for her, she reacts in one of two ways:

1)      She is quiet and shakes her head up and down.  That is not the response the woman is looking for.  In fact, the words, “I really care about you” send a signal to the woman that man isn’t really interested in a relationship.  (Men, are you confused yet? Read on and we will clarify.) Women often use those same words when they break up with a man:  I really care about you, but________.  (It doesn’t really matter what follows the “but,” because it usually isn’t true anyway.)  The woman just isn’t feeling any love connection and she is trying to let the man down easy.  So, when a man uses the same words, (and he feels like he has really committed himself to moving forward), he is surprised when the woman ends the relationship abruptly.  

2)      She will accuse the man of not being about to talk about his feelings.  The man is quite confused at this reaction because he thought he has just expressed his feelings very clearly and concisely.  

Women are much more open about their feelings.  Women talk to other women much more openly.  They share their feelings and experiences.  They call up friends on the phone and talk about their lives and feelings.  Men don’t call up other men and do this.  So the man is acting and responding like a man and women expect him to respond like a “Big Hairy Woman.”

So, what is a woman to do?  If a man expresses that he cares about you, this is a big step for him.  Allow him time to process his feelings and then come out of his “processing cave” ready to start showing that he cares more.  This takes time.  It can take several weeks.  So, if a woman nags the man to give more than he is ready or capable of giving at that time, he is likely to withdraw (back into his processing cave) until he feels safe again.  If the cycle repeats itself and the woman pressures the man again to reveal his feeling (she wants to hear “I Love You.”), the man may withdraw permanently from the relationship.  

Women:  If a man tells you that he really cares about you and it is not followed by a BUT, then take it to mean: I have feelings for you and I am beginning to explore them and process them.  Then give him the time and space to do so.  You will be happy you did. 

The woman had asked him a question about all the old classic cars driving around town while flinging her long hair over her shoulder. The woman was clearly addressing our male friend, not us. Now, why would a woman leave her table, approach a man and ask a seemingly obscure question of him and only him? Because she was interested!

Here are some clues that indicate that a woman is interested in you! Pay attention men (and women too) to these signals:
1) She talks to you and often goes out of her way to strike up a conversation. She is trying to get you to notice her. If in a social situation a woman tries to get your attention by asking you a seemingly irrelevant question that requires more than a YES or NO answer, she is probably interested.

2) Eye contact that last more that a few seconds followed by a coy smile is usually an indicator that she is interested. Make you way across the room to talk with her. You will probably be pleasantly surprised. Most women will not make the first move but will try to signal you that there is interest.

3) Often is a woman takes off her sweater or jacket and tries to show a bit more skin if she is interested in a man. Now there is the chance that she is just getting warm, but often this is a sign that she is interested.

4) If a woman touches you physically, she is probably interested. Women have a tendency to touch arms and shoulders to signal interested in a man. They might make the excuse to remove a piece of lint from your coat, straighten your jacket collar or feel the fabric of your soft shirt. These are just reason for them to touch you. Don’t miss these clues. Also if a woman keeps bumping up against you, she is probably interested or she would move away.

5) She uses flirtatious body language. She might play with her wine glass, play with her hair, bite or lick her lips, let her shoe dangle from her foot or play with her earrings or necklace. If she is doing one or more of these things, she is probably flirting with you.

Women, it is hard for a man to approach woman and ask her out. He is risking rejection each and every time. Please remember to be kind to men who have the courage to ask you out or to dance at a singles event. Kindness goes a long way in making the dating process better for both sexes.

Jeannine and Keith Kaiser

One of the biggest complaints I get from women over forty is that men want to date younger women. I agree that men often attempt to date younger women when they come out of a marriage and there are men who have never gotten married who continue to date women who are younger. (This is probably why they haven’t gotten married!)

A man who is in his late thirties, forties or older who want to date younger women are hoping to feel younger by dating someone more youthful. Here comes the bad news men! You might feel younger, but you aren’t younger.

Here is why the May-September romances usually don’t work. Fortunately most men wise up and start dating women closer to their age when they want a serious relationship or come face to face with the following:

1) The fantasy of the relationship fades between six months and a year and one or both of you realize that you have very little in common. Since commonality is very important in a long term commitment, the relationship usually fizzles out and ends.
2) Men think that they will be younger if they are with a younger woman. But the hairline continues to recede and the wrinkles on the face don’t disappear and sexually they are not twenty again.
3) Many of these romances are more a business arrangement than true love. She is loves his wallet and he is loving how she looks on his arm and how impressed his friends are by his new conquest. But like buying a new corvette, your friends will comment on what a cool car it is one or two times. When the newness wears off you are stuck with the huge car payment, maintenance expenses and no more compliments. When your money runs low or you stop being so generous because you’ll be bankrupt if you don’t, she will be moving on to greener pastures.
4) Okay so maybe she loves him because he is more patient, understand and mature than some of the younger men she has dated. Most young women want to have a family. If he doesn’t want a brood at his age, it can be a real deal breaker. She might be interested in having babies and changing diapers, just not his! She doesn’t want to go from changing Pampers to Depends.
5) When he is ready to go to bed at 10PM, she is ready to start her night. The clubs just get started at 10 o’clock. If he can’t keep up, she will turn her attention to someone who can. If he goes to a club and watches how the younger generation dances it will make him feel old. Her friends might be exited to see him at the club, but it is usually because he is buying the drinks. The younger generation is all about the free drinks.
6) Stand by your man takes on a whole different meaning when a woman is considerably younger than her man. As the years tick by, she is standing by him to keep him from falling over because he left his cane or walker at home.
7) If she is considerably younger, she is just getting started with her life and he is planning for retirement. He is thinking about how he can conserve his money and make it last and she is thinking how fast she can spend it. She still needs a spray-on tan, facials, to get her nails done and workout with her personal trainer to look as good as he wants her to look. That takes a lot of money!
The highlight of his day is driving the golf cart and being happy he can still make it through 18 holes without needing a nap. She is proud of the fact she took a spinning class and could run 5 miles on the treadmill all in the same day. The energy differences can make or break a relationship.
9) When he wants to listen to music from the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, she tunes the radio to hip hop music that fries his last nerve. She doesn’t know understand why he thinks The Beetles were one of the best musical groups of all time and he think Eminem is a candy treat. Interests can be vastly different from movies to food. These things do make a difference.
10) Women worry that the man they love will die. It can happen at any age and there is no guarantee that he is going croak before her. However, the probability is that he will in the May-September romance. If he is fifty and she is thirty and he dies at seventy, she is now the fifty old woman competing against the thirty year old women he use to chase. And now we have come full circle.

So now I’ve had some fun poking fun at older men chasing younger women. The most successful relationships tend to be those relationships where the couple’s age difference is five years on either side. Are there exceptions? Absolutely, but they are more rare than most of us would like to admit.

Jeannine Kaiser
America’s Dating Coach
www.yourdatingiq.com

If you can identify the signs that a man “isn’t that into you’ you can keep from getting your heart broken over and over again.  Most women see the signs but choose to ignore them because they believe they are the woman who will change his mind.  You won’t!  Are there exceptions to the rule?  Yes!  But not many!

Most men are pretty straightforward!  They say what they mean.  On the other hand, many women say what they think a man wants to hear or skirts an issue because she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings or make him angry.  But for today, let’s deal with what men think and want.

If a man isn’t that into you, he leaves a trail of clues a mile wide.  Women just choose to ignore them.  If a man isn’t that into you, you will see the following signs:

1)      He communicates via TEXT and email.  By doing so, he avoids the “getting to know you” conversations.  He really isn’t interested in moving things forward.  He wants the down and dirty.  When can he see you?  If you have already had sex, he TEXT is to set up his next booty call.  He usually steers the conversation towards telling you how sexy you are and how he can’t wait to see you again.  DUH!

2)      He warns you that he isn’t relationship material.  (How can that be?  You are so into him.)  Men usually say what they mean.  He is telling you that he is not relationship material-at least with you-believe him!  You might be the exception to the rule, but more than likely, you are not.  He is probably going to have sex with you and dump you when things get too complicated (you want more from him).

3)      He puts little planning into your date.  He tells you that he wants to hang out and watch a movie or something. “Something” means having sex in case you haven’t figured that out by now.  If you always go to the restaurant, because it is his favorite, he isn’t trying to please you.  More than likely, he goes to different restaurants with different women.  (If you are the stalker type, he won’t be there if you go to the same restaurant to try to “see him.”)  A guy that is really into you will plan a date.  Even if the date doesn’t cost him a dime, he will plan.

4)      He makes lots of empty promises.  He keeps talking as if you have a future, but he takes little or no action.  He talks about having a future together or all the fun things you will soon, but he doesn’t plan a date!  This is a cheap way of dating.  Some men promise the moon, sun and stars, but delivers…nothing!  He really isn’t that into you.  Personally, I can come up with at least 20 things that are inexpensive or free to romance someone.  Think about this.  If he can’t come up with a few things that make you swoon despite his pocketbook, he isn’t that into you.

5)      He makes last minute plans to see you.  You are just so glad he calls that you don’t realize that  that he is definitely not that into you or he thinks that you have no life and would readily available at his beckon call.  Either way, if you accept, you aren’t scoring any points. You were probably one of the women in his “little black book” and not his first call.  Guaranteed!

6)      He avoids the “getting-to-know you” conversations!  He really doesn’t want to get to know you better.  He wants to know what he needs to know to get you into bed.  If he really wants to get to know you better, he is asking questions about you, your life and what you want.  If not, he is looking for the easiest, quickest booty call.  He will flatter you!  He will tell you how amazing you are!  But he doesn’t really know anything about you.  If you fall for this, don’t expect a call anytime soon.  He will call you again when he is horny. 

7)      He is pushy about getting physical.  He wants to rip your top off as quickly as possible.  He tries to move things forward beyond the “make out” session with minimal clothing.  If you resist, he makes you feel bad that you aren’t that into him.  He says that he just wants to cuddle, but he is really trying to get more. (Just so you know, most men don’t really like cuddling.  They do it because it gets them sex!)  He is kissing and holding you, but in the process trying to take your blouse and pants off, wants sex.  If he gets upset or offended when you put the kibosh on moving forward, he isn’t that into you.  If someone really likes you, he is willing to wait until you are ready to move things forward.

      If you have been dating for a month or more and have never met his friends, he isn’t that into you.  When men think they have found a great catch, he want to show her off.  If you don’t get an invitation to meet his friends, you aren’t that girl.  He wants to see you alone but not integrate you into his life , this is not a good sign.  If a man is really into you, he wants all his friends to see the woman he is dating.  If this doesn’t happen, you are not the woman he wants to be with long term.

9)      He says he just wants to be friends.  He means it.  If you offer up sex as part of the package, he is willing to be friends with benefits.  He isn’t stupid if you are!  If you offer to satisfy him sexually, why not.  If you think being friends with benefits will lead to more, it won’t.  He isn’t into you in almost every case.  When he finds someone who rocks his world, you are history.

10)   He doesn’t call you.  He has your phone number but he isn’t dialing it.  It is not because he lost your number.  If he lost your number and he was really interested, he will move mountains to contact you again.  Chances are, if you’ve contacted him, you won’t hear from him again soon.  He isn’t into you.  You are either an easy booty call, or a stalker.  If he isn’t calling, he isn’t interested in you.  If he calls you, he is hoping for one thing.  You should know what it is by now.

I know this all sounds harsh, but it is the reality of dating in today’s dating circles.  You might believe that Women’s Liberation has evened the playing field for men and women but you are sorely mistaken.  Men still need to be the aggressor in the relationship.  If you are the aggressor, you will be taken for granted, and probably used and discarded.  If you want to be in a serious committed relationship, stop lowering yourself to being the booty call girl. 

Men who disagree with these points are lazy or lack self-esteem and hope that a woman will contact him for a date.  Sorry men!  Women want a man who is a provider and protector.  If you aren’t calling (being the hunter) you are not the man quality women desire to be in a relationship with..  End of story.  The man a woman desires is one who exhibits the message “I am a go-getter and will bring home the deer for food.”  These women don’t wait around for men who exude the message “I will bring home a trout if the fishing is good.” 

I hate to say that biology plays a big part in the attraction of male and female.  But it is true and will be so for a long time.  If you want to get the man or the woman, forget all the social studies mumbo-jumbo and understand that men and women desire each other based on our biology.  You can ignore it, but that doesn’t change it.

If you are attracting this type of man over and over again, you are falling into one of the Toxic Relationship Patterns we discuss at the Soul Mate Quest Weekend.  Coming to the weekend will help you get out of unhealthy dating patterns.  The cost of the weekend event is just $79.00.  The date for the next event is March 14-15 in Pleasanton.  Go to our website to get more information. 

Jeannine Kaiser

www.yourdatingiq.com