Giving up too soon???
Dear Dr. Wendy,
I’m sure you are a skilled psychologist and that you could succesfully work with me on being more positive. However, what then? If you were also a matchmaker, that would answer that question. But you said you are not. So I don’t think you know any better than I do where to find quality single women in their 20s. Like I said before, I believe very, very few of them exist. I’m not interested in internet dating.
The pain of rejection is too intense (and frequent). I just have to try to find peace and happiness in life by myself. There are things I enjoy doing so I’ll focus on those things.
Thanks for your concern,
Andy
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Dear Andy,
Thank you for your letter. First, I invite you to read it again, pretending it was written by a friend of yours. What advice might you have for that friend? Here are some things that you might find interesting to consider: What if your thoughts and beliefs had something to do with your experiences in life? What experience might someone have if he believed that there were very, very few quality women in their 20’s? What experience might someone have if he believed that the pain of rejection is too intense (and frequent) to risk trying to find the love he really wanted? What if you could change those thoughts and beliefs and experience what you really want in life?
I have worked with hundreds of singles, most of them in their 40’s and 50’s. Many have experienced divorces, single parenting, and countless heartaches and rejections. They are often discouraged and feeling hopeless when they start working with me. After working with me, they are always happier, clearer about their vision, much more optimistic about having what they want, and they have an effective plan to create both the life and love they desire. These people have gone on to lead happier lives, and to create satisfying relationships.
Many of my clients and workshop participants have been in their 60’s, a few in their 70’s and even 80’s. Sometimes they come in with a viewpoint that they missed their chance at love and it’s too late for them. They always leave with optimism and more confidence in themselves, and their ability to create what they want. From my perspective, as long as you are breathing, it’s never too late for love.
At 29, you are one of the youngest people who has wanted to work with me (I have worked with several 28-32 year olds, mostly women, and I was a college professor for many years working with 18-24 year olds). You are at the beginning of your adult life. What thoughts, beliefs and attitudes might assist you to create the life and loving relationship you desire? What might stop you from getting what you really want? Are you ready to give up before you’ve even gotten started?
You told me you were totally committed to creating a great relationship with someone who wants to build a life and family together and with whom you share a deep connection, honesty, integrity, attraction, laughter, outdoor activities, travel, open-mindedness, maturity and putting family first. Someone who is totally committed doesn’t give up on himself before he’s started. Someone who is totally committed does whatever it takes to create the life and love he wants.
I am ready to help you create your dreams. First, you can shift your mindset about the scarcity of quality women in their 20’s. How many partners are you looking for? Might there be one that could qualify among the many, many thousands of single women in the SF Bay area? Lucky for you, there are way more single women than men in their late 20’s and early 30’s who are ready for their life partner.
And, I have been doing some matchmaking lately, but only with people who have completed their relationship plans with me. Meanwhile, I agree that it is always wise to enjoy your life, and find peace and contentment in your days…while staying focused on your goals! It’s good to be clear about those goals, and committed to them. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Warm Regards,
Dr. Wendy
Wendy Lyon, Ph.D., Psychology
Master Certified Relationship and Life Coach
Workshop, Course and Retreat Facilitator
(415) 342-1300
DrWendy@InJoyLife.com
www.InJoyLife.com