Dear Dr. Wendy,

I moved to the San Francisco Bay area last year and have been so busy working that I haven’t made many friends or had many dates. I do know some people but haven’t had much time to get to know them well. I’d really like to make some changes in my life and have more people around, hopefully meet a great partner soon…and have more fun! Do you have any suggestions?

Sam in SF
———————————————————————————–

Dear Sam,

It sounds like it’s high time for you to connect with others and build a support community. This means you can have people in your life who are there for you socially and emotionally, and who may help you find dates and even your life partner.

First, how about taking an inventory of those already in your life? Imagine yourself in the center of a circle. Those closest to you, we can call “Intimates”. They are in your inner circle, and you can rely on them in emergencies, tell them your whole truth, and share your joys and sorrows. Do you have any close friends or family members who fit in this inner circle?

Next imagine a circle just outside the inner circle. This is where your more casual friends are. These are the people you get together with to have fun and socialize. Who would you list in this category?

Finally, imagine an outer circle that would include other people you know as aquaintances. These could be neighbors, co-workers or colleagues - people who you know, but don’t get together with socially. Who would be in this category?

Now, it’s time to review your list. Are you satisfied with your support community? Do you ask for help and allow yourself to be supported? Are all your social and emotional needs met? Are you being supported in your life goals, including finding dates and a life partner?

So, we already know that you AREN”T satisfied with your current support community. What can you do about it? You can start by defining your ideal support community. How many people would you like in each of the circles? How would they support you and how would you “show up” for them?

Now, it’s time for you to be “the chooser”. This means you choose who goes in each circle and you choose who you bring into your life. You can move people to different circles and you can add new people to any of the circles.

What do you need to do to create the relationships you want? It sounds like you need to make time for these relationships to develop. How can you create more balance in your life to allow you to have the connections you want? How can you bring in more people that you’d really like to have in your life?

One option is to start attending events that interest you. You can check out event listings at www.BayAreaSingles.com or www.NorCalSinglesEvents.com. You may be interested in the monthly gatherings I co-lead (For more information, see www.InJoyLife.com).

Finally, I know it’s challenging to stay balanced, focused and motivated by yourself. I’d like to support you on your journey and would be glad to offer you a complimentary consultation. Please call me at 415-342-1300 to schedule your appointment. I look forward to hearing from you!

Much love and joy to you,
Dr. Wendy

Wendy Lyon, Ph.D., Psychology
Master Certified Relationship and Life Coach
Workshop, Course and Retreat Facilitator

(415) 342-1300
DrWendy@InJoyLife.com
www.InJoyLife.com